Never Say Never

I told Auntie Em recently I would NEVER write on marriage!  That just was not my calling!  Well, lo and behold, what does the Lord speak to me to write about?  You guessed it!  MARRIAGE!

I have been married to hubby for 29 years this December.  There are some things that will greatly help your marriage, or if you are engaged will greatly help you know if your union is meant to be!  I will list them as follows:

1.  DO NOT be unequally yoked!!  Before you ever take “the plunge”  if you are truly a committed Christian and Jesus is truly Lord of your life (and if He is not you have much misery ahead because that means satan is calling the shots!) you will ask the Lord if this is “the one” God would have you to marry!  You should look and discuss seriously your agreements and disagreements on what you believe.  This will truly matter to you especially when children come along!  If you believe church “abc” teaches what the Bible says and hubby/wifey believes church “xyz” does you now are torn in your marriage and the children are going to be in the struggle!  Satan always brings divorce through DIVISION!  This doesn’t mean you will agree on everything, but God HAS to be agreed upon!  Your union is blessed through Him and by Him!  When you keep Him first you will make it through the rough patches!

2.  Never deny one another in the marriage bed!   God says in the word you are only to abstain for a SHORT time of prayer and fasting lest you open the door for one to be tempted!  See WE open the door.  I have had women come to me for prayer and counsel  and use intimacy as a controlling tool in marriage.  Those marriages did not make it!  NEVER EVER use intimacy as a tool to get something you want materialistically, to turn a no to a yes, etc.. Now I am going to get really real!  A woman who uses sex to get what she wants from a man is called a prostitute!  You are a wife!  You are called to be pure and to give yourself to your husband out of respect and love!  Keep it real!  Husbands, a note to you.  I had a pastor once that told us that at  a previous church he had pastored a prominent couple in the church were divorcing.  Everyone was shocked!  The wife had been having an affair.  No one could believe it because she had never been that “type”.  It turns out, if the couple would not agree on something or they would have an argument  the husband would go for weeks and months without having a “relationship” with the wife to “punish” her!  Now, the wife should not have had an affair under ANY circumstances,  BUT,  my pastor said it was the husband’s fault it happened as much as it was her’s due to the fact he disobeyed the word and opened the door for temptation in this area!  Husbands, if you don’t tell your wife she is beautiful, appreciated, and that you love her satan will make certain someone will show up that will.  If you love your wife, you don’t want that consequence!

3.  Agree in advance on children.  This is an important discussion and surprisingly few people have it!  You need to know how many you want, if you both feel the same about whether you will continue to work or if you stay home with the children.  Children are a gift, but they can also put a strain on a marriage!  Your time is no longer your own, or just for the two of you.  Make sure you have the same familial goals!

4.  MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER!  This has been the hard one for hubby and me.  Our lives can become so busy that there are days, even though we are in the same room, we fail to “see” each other.  I am working on a project right now that I have to give on some days 12-14 hours to.  Hubby has an after work routine and I have things I have to see to.  If we aren’t careful, we can literally go a few days without true, quality time due to busyness.  I can always tell it because I begin to feel a loneliness for him.  I begin to feel a missing and a sadness that tries to come on me and he does as well.  That is when we look at each other and say, “Let’s have a date!”  It will either be dinner out  and a movie at home (our children are grown so we can be alone at home) or we take a little trip together.  NEVER COUNT A TRIP OUT!  They work wonders on a marriage!!    When you are on a trip, and it doesn’t have to be expensive cruises, see 50 states in 50 days, etc. it can be a camping trip for a long weekend.  In fact, those are the ones we prefer!  We are away from phones, surprise company visits, the internet, etc..

5.  NEVER EVER GO TO BED MAD!!  The Bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger, therefore giving the devil room to bring the stronghold of bitterness!  Bitterness is like a poison.  It literally kills the whole body and it will kill your love and your marriage!  Even if you can’t see eye to eye when it is time to go to bed, agree to disagree lovingly.  Pray together and ask God to show you a way to either compromise or open your eyes to what your mate is trying to communicate in order to see “eye to eye” on a subject.  God will ALWAYS lead you together!   God will NEVER divide you and separate you in ANY way!  Remember ALL couples argue and if they say they don’t either they are lying or one will end up killing the other!  You cannot take two separate personalities and think they will agree ALL the time!  If you do, you are very naive!  You may see couples and think, “Oh, they have the perfect marriage!”   They may put on a good front, but don’t think their lives are perfect and don’t compare your marriage to theirs!   You never know what goes on behind closed doors!

I hope this blessed you, dear reader!  Blessings to you!  May your union be abundantly blessed!!   See you next time!!

P.S.  For more marriage devotionals check out my friend Auntie Em at http://auntieemsguide.wordpress.com/  You will be blessed!!