This one I have to pour my heart out on! My mother went back into atrial fiberlation just hours after she was cardioverted, according to her doctor. I have watched her get thinner and thinner. I have watched her struggle to breathe. I am exhausted and on edge! I have dealt with nasty people and people who don’t mean to be inconsiderate, but right now they are getting one side of me…the tired side! I can tell I am not myself and I know I need to get grounded again! I don’t like myself like this. Oh, how I would love to say, “I am “Spiritual Superwoman!!” but I am not.
I need a couple of days to pray, read my Bible and hear my Father God‘s heartbeat, because I am sitting on His lap in His presence. My world as I know it has stopped. I want to feel my Gracie beside me, shed a few tears to relieve the pressure and drink one cup of my coffee with two marshmallows. More than anything, I want to see my mother with a normal sinus rhythm, able to breathe, and with me! I want to see her fulfill her destiny. I want to see her strong again, teaching the word as she dreams of doing! I want to see her in her “schedule” of getting her hair done, taking the puppy to the groomer, going to prayer meeting on Wednesday and Friday, getting her nails done, and thriving! I want to hear her tell me what God has revealed to her, and hear her unending wisdom. I just want my mother!!!
All will be as God has said I know, but I have to remember it is okay to let God carry this for me. That it is okay to rest in His presence and it is just what the “great physician” has ordered! God has never let me down and I know He won’t this time either, but for now I have to put this load down and exchange it for “His yoke” which is light and easy to bear!